2nd June 2011 — inside the other room of Professor and Mrs Muyiwa.
“Honey it’s not rising!”
“But we did it just last week before we moved in here after the president’s swearing-in”
“Hah! Temi bami o,” Prof. Muyiwa said with tears streaking down his chins “we’ve to do something about this”
Foreplays. Blow jobs. Lap dances. Downloaded and watched pornographies.
“It’s still not rigid”
17th September 2011 — Aso Villa.
Gloom and sadness crowded the atmosphere. The whole staff of Aso villa clad with black wears as they mourned the death of two convoys who fell into the ditch and broke their necks and kissed the sky while carrying out their duties.
As they all slowly followed the eight men who carried the two coffins, two men who stay outside the villa began to discuss. “This is outrageous, can you imagine? How will two convoys at the same time on the same day die a foolish death?” the first man opined.
The second man whispered but loud enough to be heard by the other “things are really strange here, I can smell doom! Just two weeks ago, the national secretary also lost his wife.”
Dr Chuka, the physician of the villa with a smile on his face welcomed the special adviser to the president into his office.
“Can you imagine? I found my wife using dildo yesterday. What an insult to me! A whole man like me being replaced by a sex toy! Look at….”
“And you too? You mean below your waist is dead?” Dr Chuka interrupted, “I thought I was the only one.”
The Aso Villa Chaplain and a Special adviser came into the presidential hall.
“Mr President Sir,” the special adviser began “an eerie atmosphere has enveloped the villa”
“What do you mean?” the president asked.
“Sir, there have been deaths, our men complain they can’t perform in bed, we saw python under your seat, the soldiers reported they hear spooky sounds at nights and I’m sorry to say, sir, even the decisions you make scare the masses”
“Sir, seriously, these issues are beyond me, we urgently need powerful exorcists to cleanse the villa sir.” the Chaplain added.
Two pastors began to sing and others spoke in tongues. As they continued and as the senior pastor raised a Yoruba song, “Emi mimo Olorun wa gbemiwo,” an invisible hand slapped him.
Everyone took to their heels.