1. Relationships

7 poor conflict strategies you need to avoid

Despite how uncomfortable, heated and hard conflicts can get, you would agree with me that they are sometimes inevitable and maybe even needed. While I’m sure there are a lot of tips out there on helpful conflict communication strategies, here are 7 poor strategies to be avoided in order to have effective resolutions.

1. Cross-complaining

While all 7 listed are just as bad, this is a big no-no and can be very insensitive to the other party. The worst time to bring up an issue you have with someone is while the other party just did the same! “I don’t like the way you addressed me the other day, can we talk about that?” Response: “I don’t like your face, can we talk about that?” Okay okay, I know that’s a far reaching example but you get my point. Stop cross-complaining, address the issue at hand FIRST and then read the room to see if it’s appropriate to bring in another.

2. Yes-butting

This is when you’re tempted to make an objection to every solution proffered. DON’T! Conflict resolution involves compromises, don’t be so quick to turn down every possible solution. “I could change but you know this is what my star sign means” Stop.

3. Hidden agendas

This has to be one of the most common. It’s disguising your real complaint. It’s when you’re lowkey mad at Dave  because he was rude to your friend but then the next time you see him, you lash out because he forgot the dress code to your party”. State what the actual problem is and expose every hidden agenda.

4. Passive listening

This is when you are only listening during the conflict to know what to say and not to understand where the other person is coming from. You’re simply waiting for the person to finish what they’re saying so you can defend yourself.

5. The stand off

This is unwillingness to compromise, just like “yes-butting”, every solution suggested is a no-no.

6. Kitchen-sinking

Kitchen-sinking is to drag in past complaints in with recent ones. ( Just like you pile up all your dirty dishes in the kitchen sink hence the name). Not focusing on the issue at hand but also bringing in past ones whether they’ve been resolved already or not.

7. Mind reading

This form of communication is “no communication”. It is expecting the other person to decipher there’s a conflict without actually addressing it, in essence it’s expecting them to be a mind reader. Well newsflash, no one can actually read minds so regardless of how tough it might be, you have to learn to voice out your grievances.

For further reading on conflict communication mistakes, check out conflict resolution mistakes to avoid

So which of these are you most guilty of? Sadly, mine has to be listening for a response and not to understand but I’m working on being better and actively listening.

What other common strategies are you aware of?

Comment below, I’m waiting to hear from you!

P.S Don’t forget to share too


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Comments to: 7 poor conflict strategies you need to avoid
  • July 1, 2020

    I learnt a lot reading this.
    Okay, mine was passive listening. I just wait for the person to land 😂and boom! Hell breaks loose! Thank God, I don’t do that anymore. Resolving conflicts is one of the easiest things to do but we just make it seem difficult. It is all about one’s level of maturity. Don’t keep quiet about it. Tell the other person involved how you feel about the issue and if you are hurt, forgive immediately. Forgiveness doesn’t make one weak, it sets one free.
    If you’re at fault, apologize immediately. Saying you’re sorry isn’t a big deal.

    • July 1, 2020

      Lol I can relate to that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Really, forgiveness does set one free

  • July 4, 2020

    A really good write up, Thank you.
    I guess I need to work on the yes butting part or probably I should get into a fight with someone to know which parts to work on..

    • July 6, 2020

      Thank you for reading!Lol, I’m coming to fight you then


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